two sided road.

every word you say confuses me.

you say you miss me but you're with someone?

what do i do? 

do you mean it as friend or do you mean it as more.

if you mean it as i friend i miss you as well, if you mean it as more...

i'm not sure what to say.

i like you a lot but i don't want to be with someone that can't figure out what they want.

i may possible could love you, but i think maybe we should be friends.

than again maybe we should be more...

you put confusion into my head more then anyone has before.

i wish i could read you, then maybe i would know what exactly you're trying to say.

as for now i will stay confused until you finally tell me exactly how you feel.

you already know how i feel, but that don't matter unless you feel the same.

being with someone is a two sided street.

if one of the people don't know what they want, that street can become complicated and not two sided anymore.

i've had that happen before and i don't want that again. 

so until your ready i will walk another road and maybe one day you'll walk down the same road with me.

-Sharon June

tattoo's

so since i can remember i've wanted a tattoo. 

but now i've realized jusst exactly what i want my first tattoo to be. 

and it's a decison between. 

 

b.e.l.i.e.v.e on my right wrist likke the one above minus the stars and maybe the font a bit different. 

er a flying music note behind my right ear jusst likke the one above.

i chose these two things because the both mean something to me.

the b.e.l.i.e.v.e on my right wrist because my grpanda always told mee to believe in not only myself but possibilities and of course the big man upstairs.  

the word BELIEVE has always held a little something in my heart. 

eveytime i've said it, it has been ferr deep reason, to help someone, er to even help myself. BELIEVE jusst likke my grandpa would always tell mee. 

Believe. 

i told my friend rilee today to believe in her self i also told her this...

prom is a bit away dear, trusst mee i get it, i've NEVER been good enough to even been THOUGHT of let alone be asked to not even ONE school dance. and it kills mee, so yea i get it ya feel ugly and you want to be beautiful and you want to be the on everyone wants. i get it i do. youu jusst gotta realize that yerr beatiful no matter what, yerr uhhmazing no matter what, yerr gonna find someone no matter what, youu are going to go go far as long as you believe. you jusst got to be willing to wait and be patient and most importantly belive and it will come to youu it will. jusst believe it will. and it will. believe it then youu'll see it. [:

the flying music note behind my right ear is because of my daddi.

he has always taught me that music is an uhhmazing and a beautiful thing.

he has taught me everything about music about learning to love music. 

he is the reason music runs deep in these veins of mine. 

music will always be a passion of mine. and i havve figured this outt.

music is what gets mee threw the dayy music is what helps mee realieve my stress. 

and whyy not jusst a plan music note... because a flying music note to me represents the power to fly with music. 

meaning your dreams. in order to fight for your dreams and strive to get there ya gotta be willing to fly... that might not makke sense to youu but it sure does makke perfect sense to mee...

i've jusst been thinkking about that all dayy. 

i can't wait to get these two tattoo's because not onlyy will they mean something to mee.

they'll be a memory of myy grandpa john clark. that imiss so much. and without him, i wouldn't have been able to believe in myself and go threw the dayys. even though how much i jusst want to give up he won't let me yet. and i know he's watching over me from up above..  [:

and myy daddi bernard bell II that means the world to mee. without him i couldn't get threw the day, without him i would have music in myy life [: i thankk youu ferr that. daddi. he's not gone yet, but i know some day he will and i'll always havve that tattoo to remember how much he's taught mee in life. and how much he ment to mee... an thats whyy i want these two tattoos. [:

this post made mee cryy a llot but it's true i lovve these man so very much. 

one is missed each and every day i'm living and breathing.

and the other is the man that keeps mee breathing todayy. 

i dedicate this post to youu two. [:

new years. [:

i know i'm 17 days late.

but my new years was awesome.

brought it in with backstreet boys and new kids on the block. haha. 

mee and myy sister drank fuzzy navels or as she likes to call them fuzzy crotches. 

whyy anyone would want to drink a fuzzy crotch i have no idea.. haha.

we also had some shots of tequila and some jagger. 

and my new years kiss was this special boy...

although he didn't have that corn dog on his nose. haha.

his name is tavin james he's my nephew and he's the cuttiest thing in the world. 

he ran up to mee and goes happi new years! it was cutte. [:

anywayz i haven't decided on a new years resolution as soon as i decide i'll let ya know. haha

but i've decided this year is going to be a great year. 

i couldn't have brought it in with anyone better. [: 

i lovve myy sister and her familyy.! <3

ohh and this year is gonna be diffrent cause i'm gonna look different i'm dying my hair.![:

i'm dying it likke this... 

i'm excitedd! i can't wait. [: gonna lookk likke a new women. 

anywayz i hope yerr new years was as great as mine. :D

if not then i'm sorri yerr life must suckk. haha 

jusst kidding. [:

untitled.

here's to the broken hearted, to the sad endings, the painful breakups,and the hard regrets.

we all love you even though no matter how much we deny we do, we always will.

it's like as if we love the the pain, as if it's our kryptonite and we're superman.

we can't help but to love, and crave it.

we all just need to realize that you're no good for us and never will be, so we can learn from our mistakes.

so we can realize we need to love ourselves before we can every love another.

the hardest part of that is learning to see ourselves like others that love us do.

if only we knew how then we could break the spell to all this pain, and heartache.

but if only... if only...

-Sharon June

this is exactly how i feel about love. that if we don't know how to love ourselves than we'll never be able to love another not only that but if we could see ourselves the way other people do it would be so much easier to fall in love and you know mabye thats a good thing... idk. but i do know the hardest part of being in love is being in love with someone that isn't in love back, but will always hold yerr heart. it's never easy. and never will be... 

deuces

exactly how i feel about him now... i want to hate him. but this is how i feel about him. i do say deuces this time to him. screw him. he cheated on me and used him so deuces youu douche bagg.




Deuces Lyrics

All that bullshit's for the birds
You aint nothin but a vulture
Always hopin for the worst
Waiting for me to fuck up 
You’ll regret the day when I find another girl, yeah
Who knows just what I need, she knows just what I mean
When I tell her keep it drama free
Ohohohohohohohoh… x2(Chuckin up them(deuces)
I told you that im leaving (deuces)
I know you mad but so what?
I wish you best of luck
And now im finna throw them deuces up

[Chorus]
Im on some new shit
Im chuckin my deuces up to her
Im moving on to something better, better, better
No more tryin to make it work
You made me wanna say bye bye, say bye bye, say bye bye to her [x2]

[Tyga Verse]
Uh, Use to be valentines
Together all the time
Thought it was true love, but you know women lie
Its like I sent my love with a text two times
Call cause I care but I aint get no reply
Tryna see eye to eye but its like we both blind
Fuck it lets hit the club, i rarely sip but pour me some
Cause when its all said and done,
I aint gon be the one that she can always run to
I hate liars, fuck love Im tired of tryin
My heart big but it beat quiet
I don’t never feel like we vibin
Cause every time we alone its a awkward silence
So leave your keys on the kitchen counter
And gimme back that ruby ring with the big diamond
Shit is over, whatchu trippin for?
I don’t wanna have to let you go
But baby I think its better if I let you know

[Chorus]
Im on some new shit
http://www.elyricsworld.com/deuces_lyrics_chris_brown.html
Im chuckin my deuces up to her
Im moving on to something better, better, better
No more tryin to make it work
You made me wanna say bye bye, say bye bye, say bye bye to her [x2]

[K Mc verse]
Look, my shorty always on some bullshit like Chicago
So I flip that middle finger and the index finger follow
Deuces, we aint got no future in tomorrow
I’m a dick, so it shouldn’t be that hard to swallow
The other chick Im with never complain
She make wanna leave the one im with Usher Raymond
Probably didn’t register, don’t trip, later on it will
Shorty full of drama like gangsta grizzles
I finally noticed it, it finally hit me
Like Tina did Ike in the limo, it finally hit me
I got a new chick, and she aint you
She paula patton thick She give me déjà vu
And all that attitude, I don’t care bout it
But all that shit I do for her, you gon hear bout it
Breezy rep two up, two down
But im just puttin two up, chuckin up the deuce now

[Chorus]
Im on some new shit
Im chuckin my deuces up to her
Im moving on to something better, better, better
No more tryin to make it work
You made me wanna say bye bye, say bye bye, say bye bye to her [x2]

untitled.

watching you go isn't an easy thing to do.

even though i know it's not forever.

i fear it could be.

that you'll never come back.

i shouldn't fear that but it's hard not to when every other time, you've walked out and you don't come back.

i love you so much and if you were to walk about again i wouldn't know what to do.

sitting in my window missing you already when you just barely left.

i know it's not like we're broken up, you're just moving out. 

but it's still hard. 

i can barley sleep without you.

i don't even want to breathe without you let alone not be by you.

waking up to you not being there is hard.

rolling over in the middle of the night and not feeling you there kills me.

i miss you baby.

and i hope your not walking out for good.

i just hope that you come back even though we can't live together.

trust me i hate this as much as you do, well as much as i think you do. 

i'm going to try to sleep now, but without you here it's going to be hard...

without you holding me at night, without you to wake up to in the morning to. 

but who knows this might help our relationship grow. 

i really hope it does. 

well goodnight babe wherever you are i hope you know i love you and wish you were here tonight.

-Sharon June.

skinny bitch.

i saw a book with the title to that the other day and it got me thinking about society and how fucked up it is now a days.

how does one have confidence in them self when they can't even look in the mirror without being disgusted by the way they look?

now a days all girls wanna be like stick figure bitches. 

i don't get it.

i thought you'd at least want some curve, no people look at my body and they're like wow she's fat.

society now a days is so fucked up. 

ya know back in the day the bigger you were the more beautiful you were and well off. 

i think it's so funni that no a days it's like yerr more beautiful when you look like you haven't eaten in days.

it's ridiculous. 

most girls now are so self conscious because it's like oh if yerr not skinny like all the actresses and model's then you're not beautiful. 

fuck that!

there is more to beauty then jusst the outside. 

i'm so done with ppl telling other ppl they should diet and they should try to loose weight.

it's bullshit.

i mean i even fall for this bullshit all the time, how are we girls suppose to be happi with our bodies when everyone around us and the media is shoving it down our throats that we have to skinnier than we are.

i have had an eating disorder because of this stupid sheet. 

it makes you feel ugly, fat, and dumb. 

and like you'll never get any guy...

when we shouldn't listen to the media but us girls do do that. 

it's not even just girls it's guys too. 

it's ridiculous!

i hate media sometimes because of this reason alone.

i have sat there and said it to myself that i'm just a fat dumb ugly person. 

when i'm not. 

i'm just letting the media and all these ppl in the world now get to me because they're stick skinny and i'm not. i have curves. 

but you know what i'd rather have curves then be some girl who looks like she hasn't eaten in days... somedays. 

some other days i really don't want to be the size that i am. 

i don't even want to look at myself. 

but maybe thats because of all you ppl outt there that do this to us. 

and it's not fair. 

i mean diet sure whatever but don't destroy yerr body becasue you want a boy to like you more, er because you want to look like the girls in the magzines now a days. no. 

i'd rather be like the old models's like betty page. she had curves and she was still a beautiful women. [:
i know i still have issues with my body and you know what thats perfectly normal, when i start doing something drastic to change my body thats when it's a problem. 

that my two cents on this stupid topic. [:

thank you for reading.

proved wrong...

i guess i was wrong about you loving me as much as i love you.

i thought you were the one that i was going to grow old with...

you were the one that made me feel on top of the world the one that could make me smile no matter what..

i guess not no more.

i guess i've seen your true colors. 

i guess all along it was all a game to you.

i hope you know that you have broken my heart for the last time that you have destroyed me once again.

i wish i could hate you, i wish i could fix this...

it sucks to know the one that holds my heart doesn't want it... 

the one that i built my bridge around tore it down.

i wish you loved me as much as i love you..

the part that kills me the most is that your laughing and not caring while i'm crying and dying inside...

-Sharon June

the best wayy i can explain exactly how i feel right now besides this is the song by bruno mars...

i jusst hope i'm wrong...

Grenade-Bruno Mars

Easy come, easy go
That's just how you live, oh
Take, take, take it all,
But you never give
Should of known you was trouble from the first kiss, Had your eyes wide open -
Why were they open?
Gave you all I had
And you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked, Cause what you don't understand is
I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain, Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby ; But you won't do the same

No, no, no, no
Black, black, black and blue beat me till I'm numb Tell the devil I said “hey” when you get back to where you're from
Mad woman, bad woman,
That's just what you are, yeah,
You’ll smile in my face then rip the breaks out my car
Gave you all I had

And you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, yes you did
To give me all your love is all I ever asked Cause what you don't understand is
I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain, Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby ; But you won't do the same

If my body was on fire, ooh You’ d watch me burn down in flames You said you loved me you're a liar Cause you never, ever, ever did baby...
But darling I’ll still catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain, Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby ; But you won't do the same.
No, you won’t do the same,
You wouldn’t do the same,
Ooh, you’ll never do the same,
No, no, no, no

in love...

"theres someone out there for everyone you just have to find the one thats hand matches perfect with your heart" 

-Sharon June

i don't know if youu ever have found that person that makes youu feel more alive then ever,

more gorgeous when you're not all dressed up then when you are,

more beautiful then when your not wearing makeup then when you are,

that makes youu happyy when all youu really wanna do is cryy,

that makes youu feel more special then anyone in the world,

that jusst has the way of making you feel like yerr superman and can do anything and they are likke your kryptonite. 

but i sure have.

 his name is javon loren wyatt. [: <3

i wanna be with him until the end of time. 

he makes me feel so alive, i can't explain it.

there is not anyone in the world i'd rather be with not at all.

i thought that it was time for goodbyes but i was surely mistaken.

i was jusst afriad of being hurrt again and loosing him once again. 

loosing someone youu trulyy care for is not an easy thing to do not at all.

youu havve to find that person that will make youu feel as if youu are on the top of the world, all it takes is patience and time. :D

and trust me it's def worth the wait. 

being in love is the besst feeling in the worldd i hope i never ever loose it, because unfortunately some ppl do.

i.don't.know if me and him are destined to be together. but if we're not then fuck destiny. [: 

lol.

but i love you javon loren wyatt so much. <3

i'd scream it from the roof tops and show everyone how much you mean to me. 

because, i'm in love with you and nothing is or will ever change that. [:

murder mystery dinner. [:

So last night me, my mom, my sister crystal, and my church went to a murder mystery dinner. [:

it was soo much funn. it was like playing clue but acting it out. 

all the cast was so much funn.

• Don: the godfather.
• Trixxie: the wife of Don the godfather also the whore of the cast.
• Harry the lip: don's cousin and the one who's hated by everyone.
• Finggers: Don's No. 2 and the groom also the guy that gets killed.
• Bunny: the bride and dumb bimbo blonde also a stripper.
• Carla: the mother of the bride and thief of the cast also murder.
• Detective Clawsap: the frenchy detective and my personal favorite. [:

we all had so much funn it was at spagetti mama's up in salt lake and my mother figured out the killer before we even knew the story purdy awesome huh? [:

the food was pretty yummi also. 

Don flirted with my sister crystal the whole time which we thought was funni because he was an old man. haha. he kept telling her to not leave nowhere and grabing her arm. haha.

crystal got to be part of the show we all had to go up all the laddies at the dinner and try to catch the bouqet of the bride and crystal and me both caught it crystal more than me. and then some guy had to put the gaurder on her thigh. haha. [: it was funni. we all had so much funn.

Detective Clawsap flirted with me like crazy it was okay cause i loved it. haha. me and crystal took a pic with him and he let me hold his cuffs and crystal hold his gun. [;

see :D 

so much funn.

anyways it's at spaggetti mama's up in salt lake if you get a chance to go then def go. [:

trust me it will be well worth the drive and the money. it is kinda pricey though.  

courage.

yesterday i realized something about myself.

i let soo many ppl walkk all over me, hurt me, abuse my friendship, and betray me and i just ignore it.

well i decided today is the day i stand up for myself! 

i know that sound kinda like wft. you shoulda been standing up ferr yerrself years ago, how old are you. 

yea i know and i'm dumb. and i guess it's because i'm exactly like my mother. we trust ppl wayy to easily and we let ppl we care about walk all over us because we feel likke if we don't help them or that if we don't do what they askk we'll be the bad person. . . i guess i jusst got too much a bigg heart to be likke fuckk youu and yerr a bitch.

well ya know what not no more! 

i am taking a stand. 

i'm not gonna let ppl push me around anymore.

i'm not gonna let ppl in and shut down and let them take over my life, and how i feel.

i'm not going to let them put things into my head that aren't real because you know what, i believe in myself and if thats all i have now then i guess thats all i need. i know my friends like bri and kristen and ruby and david all believe me. and ilove them so much for that and of course alex. but everyone else lately can go fuckk off. 

i am going to live my life how i want to and if that means smoking pot evey now and again than i'm going to.

if that means being with my boyfriend javon that i'm going to. 

i love javon and i don't give a fuckk about what anyone anymore has to say because i believe in myself and believe that we are going to be together ferr quit some time. 

and another thing, ppl outt there have been telling me i'm not gonna make it and i'm not going to amount to anything. well fuck you all. i will show you that i'm going to make something out of myself and prove all of you wrong. yea this post is kinda a angry one but you know what i'm saying exactly how i feel because i am an honest person.

the other day i got told by a family memeber of mine that i'm disappointment they are ashemd to live with they are ashmed to call me their own, and ya know what i don't need anyone to believe in me, it would nice but i'm going to prove him wrong that i'm not like everyone else and i'm going to show him that i am and i will be successful in my life because i believe in myself. 

the only ppl i truly believe believe in me in my family anymore is my sister and my mom. that is about it. they are truly the only ones.. . that hurst me to say but that is how i feel. 

one day i will show you all how much you are so wrong! 

that i'm not like the rest of this family. i'm going to show you that i'm going to make something out of myself and i will not i will not let myself thinkk that i'm going to end up on the streets pregnant or out of a job with no education but you know what i believe what my grandpa use to tell me about everyday when he was still here on this earth and that was. baby girl always believe in yourself and know you can and will do anything i believe in you and that will never change. well grandpa i miss you. i wish i had that again where you could tell me that you were proud of me... 

Grandpa, I love you, you have taught me a very valuable lesson and that is to have courage in myself and you know what now i finally do. Grandpa i can't wait till that dayy when i see you again in heaven and we are sitting beside Jesus and you are telling me that you are so proud of how i lived my life and hugg me jusst likke when i was a little girl....

papa i miss youu so much. and this blog that i have wrote is dedicated to you because if it wasn't for you and my mommi and sister i wouldn't have the courage i do now in myself. i love you 3 so very much. you have made me stronger.

i jusst wanna go backk to when i was a little girl and everyone was all so happy... :/

Saw 3D! :D

So yetsterdayy mee, myy boyfriend javon, and my brother went and seen Saw 3D! 

one of the best by far in my opinion, had the craziest fucking twist. and sure as fuckk was grizzly as javon says. :p grizzly: beyond gory  

i gott to sayy though the best part was pretending to be scared so he'd hold me. :D 

so if you haven't seen it youu really should. 

unless yerr pussy and will puke in the theater er are jusst to pussy to go see it. [:

haha. my friend maria was there. we didn't like plan to hangoutt there, she was jusst there. but she almost puked on me likke 5 times, but it's okayy i freakking love maria. she is uhhmazing. [:

i got to sayy though that fuckking doll scares they sheet outta me still to this dayy. it is jusst so scary. idk what it is about it but it's kinda freakky...

i mean look at it! it's freakkyy don't ya thinkk?

anywayz. if you haven't see it....

GO SEE IT.

GAME OVER. [:

harder than he knows...

so... i was listening to this song today. 

and it makes me thinkk of exactly how i feel about my ex.

he wants to be with me, and i'm soo head over feet ferr him... but idk what to do... 

how do you trust someone that has done you wrong so many times... 

yea ya don't... so idk what to do...

i love him... beyond measurement. . .

i jusst am so afraid of being hurt... 

but i would do anything in the world ferr him. 

that is truly how much i love him... </3

Escape The Fate: Harder Then You Know

You said this could only get better. There's no rush, 'cause we have each other. You said this would last forever, But now I doubt if I was your only lover. Are we just lost in time? I wonder if your love's the same. Cause I'm not over you Baby, don't talk to me. I'm trying to let go Not loving you is harder then you know. Cause girl your driving me so crazy How can I miss you if you never would stay? If you need time I guess I'll go away. Inside me now there's only heartache and pain! So where's the fire? You've begun the rain. Are we just lost in time? I wonder if your love's the same Cause I'm not over you!  Baby, don't talk to me I'm trying to let go Not loving you is harder then you know, (Cause girl your driving me so crazy) And if you don't want me then I guess I'll have to go! Not loving you is harder then you know. Yeah! So I'll make the call, And I'll leave you today I'm gona miss you 'cause I love you baby Yeah, I'll make the call I'm leaving today Leaving always drives me crazy! Leaving always drives me crazy! Baby, don't talk to me I'm trying to let go. Not loving you is harder Then you know, Yeah Baby, don't talk to me I'm trying to let go (I'm trying to let go) Not loving you is harder Then you know, (Cause girl your driving me so crazy) And if you don't want me then I guess I'll have to go! (I guess I'll have to go) Not loving you is harder then you know (Girl your driving me so crazy) Baby, don't talk to me I'm trying to let go. Not loving you is harder, then you know, Girl your driving me so crazy.

 i bet when you read those lyrics you thought of that special someone that you love.. and has done you wrong... so what do you do from there... do you give them another chance... er do you walk away...

right now i feel like my heart is ripping at it's seems telling me to jusst hold on to him... because he loves me.. and i love him... and today in this fucked up world it's so hard to find that.... i'd be genuine to him... the question is would he be genuine to me....

almost famous...

so me and my sister are very passionate about singing. 

and well we've decided we are going to cover songs.

we are thinking we are gonna cover black bird, maybe do promise in the dark, and a lot of others but we're not sure. 

music is something we are both so passionate about and we both want to be discovered. 

one thing is that we don't want to be discovered and then let the lime light get to us. 

two i don't think i'm that good enough, i think that she is jusst not me.

third is i don't know what would happen if we got discovered i would hate for us to fall apart.

my sister is truly my besst friend and if i losst her i don't know what i'd do.

but back to covering songs. we want to do a llot of them. 

we write our own music. but we want to do covers and then if we get discovered go from there..

we already call our selfs almost famous. we call eachother hobo and pixxxie i don't know if thats gonna be our stage names or what.. but thats we call each other. 

we did a cover to jewel and i'm trying to figure out how to get it up on you tube. 

one day i know we are going to get bigg. 

me maybe for my photography, and who knows maybe we'll both get famous from our singing we jusst need to get the balls and put up our songs... which i'm working. on. [: 

i see a llot of hope for the future. near future. [:

so.done.for good this time.

here it goes again..

the text, and the calls. 

you're calling, wanting me to give you a second chance, fuck that! 

i have giving more then just one chance to prove yourself to me.

i'm not here so you can mess with my head.

i'm not here so you can play games with my heart.

i'm not her to be your toy!

stop acting like you were and still are my everything.

don't put your self up on a high pedestal.

yea, i might of feel in love with you, but now i hate you to the very core of my being.

all you do is lie, lie, lie and tell me this time it's going to be different, this time you miss me.

but see this time i'm not just going to believe every word you say.

i don't even want to give you another chance your words don't mean shit to me anymore.

yea, you use to know just how to make me cave, but not anymore. 

this time it's different, this time i know you're just the same prick you've always been!

so do us both a favor, and let me go, because you were never just a friend, and you were never a good boyfriend.

i want nothing to do with you.

i don't think you quite get it mister, i can't be friends with you no more.

like it's not that i can't it's that in all honesty  i don't want to, not even a little bit. 

so just go back to knowing that our friendship is over, and it's never gonna be repaired ever!

yea, i do forgive you, but i never said that i want you back in my life.

so realize that this time i mean it when i say...

GOODBYE. 

-Sharon June

college really?

so friday we had college fair at school... and well i was like hum, i don't want to go to college but then again i do....

i have decided i either wanna go to UVU, or WSU i'm really set on weber but idk. i'm really confused and kinda scared and realizing that i'm graduating this year! do you know how krazy that is? i also feel like not a lot of people support me graduating... 

i'm freaking out! i'm gonna be on my own soon... is this a good thing? i keep thinking it is and then i keep realizing that i'm really scared... so now the decision is which do i go to? 

but first this is first!

i gotta get all my sheet together. i can't keep not going to school and getting horrible grades. i gotta get my act up. i'm determinded to pass all my classes, and i know my girls briana and kristen will help me work threw it. [: 

i'm done trying to be perfect, i'm just gonna do what i know i can and that is show everybody that i'm better than this, that i'm gonna graduate and that i'm gonna take the ACT and that i'm gonna do good in school, and i'm gonna make something outta my life! because i'm done living in this sad sate of mind. i want to show everyone that i can do it. and prove to myself that i can. [:

because,

♫ ♪ I know I can (I know I can)
Be what I wanna be (be what I wanna be)
If I work hard at it (If I work hard at it)
I'll be where I wanna be (I'll be where i wanna be)♫ ♪ 

perfection

she's beauty.

she's almost perfection.

i want to see those beautiful eyes of hers just one last time.

i never wanted to loose her, then again i never wanted to loose me.

she had the best touch, the cutest laugh, everything about her spread a smile across my heart.

her lips were soft, pink, and so very kissable...

she always picked on me, but it made me feel special like i knew i was liked by her...

i'm so dumb for loosing her, she absolutely meant so much to me.

she was becoming my best friend.

then that saturday happened.

when everything changed.

i never said anything about her...

but she'll never believe me.

she hates me..

and all i do is miss her each and every day. 

i want to change everything.

now my sweet, beautiful, perfection is gone

 i would do anything and everything just to make her see that i still care for her.

that she is my most precious dream... but more like a dream that just won't come true...

-Sharon June

my mask.

i smile 

i frown

i cry

i laugh

but i'm blank inside...

am i wearing some form of a mask?

i feel weird like dead inside.

i don't feel like i belong here anymore.

what is going on with me?

i started to discover what i wanted in life.

my goals, my dreams.

but now none of it matters anymore.

i just want to either drink all my pain away, or take all these pills and never wake up.

i'm not depressed.

i'm not lonely.

i'm not scared.

i'm not mad.

i'm not happy.

i'm just numb, so comfortable numb.

i don't know how to feel anymore, about anything or anyone.

so for now i wear this mask.

wishing i could change the past.

missing that happy girl i once knew.

i need to fix this, me...

i can't do this anymore.

i need to tear off this mask and face myself, and realize i'm better than this...

but how is the question i so desire dear in my heart.

-Sharon June.

miss my girls. [:

us we pimp out greeting cards are youu jealous, because you should be[:

this is me and kya ferr ever ago. 

imiss her soo much. we use to do eveything together. 

see we even pimped out greeting cards. [:

she moved back to her home town washugal. in washington and i miss her dearly. 

soo yesterday i was listening to good old ICP and quoting nick and norah. and it reminded me of her and how we would sit and quote songs from ICP all dayy. and i started to cry cause i was likke awwe i miss my kya. my likke besst friend. funni thing is i've even kissed her. haha it was on new years. i wonder if she remembers that :p lol.

i lovve th is girl and she jusst needs to come back home. so we can watch nick and norah again with eachother and sing ICP together go to the dollar store and pimp out grettting crads and parti hardi and drink because i miss that sooo much. [:

KYA PLEASE COME BACK HOME. 

er come kidnap me something. ilovveyouu kya lasely bryan, because you smell like soap[:

•                                                                    <3

yea we nerdz get over it. [:

this is my little cousin reina and me. [:

we are cousins ferr life because we gotta be. jusst kidding now we're more like best friends ferr life.

i freakking miss her so much. she is now in cali. she was basically living with me. :/ but now she's gone.

she was flown away like a little birdy that i've been dreading the day she flies. 

♪♫Dreamer, you know you are a dreamer
Well can you put your hands in your head, oh no!
I said dreamer, you're nothing but a dreamer,
Well can you put your hands in your head, oh no!♪♫

this is the song she'd always sit there and sit she'd even do a little dance to it, well i was listening to super tramp yesterday and it made me miss her. :/ 

then i looked at myy wall and noticed her handprints there.

jeez cousin i miss youu. remember when we'd sit there and quote movies all dayy. [:

"Oh, uh, it's the pleats... the pleats in the pants. It's an optical illusion. I was just about to take them back... to the pants store. Oh this is embarrassing. "

"I'm in a glass case of emotion"

 "I love... carpet. 

[pause]
 I love... desk. "
 "Brick, are you just looking at things in the office and saying that you love them?"
"I love lamp."
"Do you really love the lamp, or are you just saying it because you saw it?"

"I love lamp. I love lamp."

good times cousin. imiss youu come back home soon! 

ilovveyouu soo much reina merie meza

<3

imissyouu girlys soo much :/