harder than he knows...

so... i was listening to this song today. 

and it makes me thinkk of exactly how i feel about my ex.

he wants to be with me, and i'm soo head over feet ferr him... but idk what to do... 

how do you trust someone that has done you wrong so many times... 

yea ya don't... so idk what to do...

i love him... beyond measurement. . .

i jusst am so afraid of being hurt... 

but i would do anything in the world ferr him. 

that is truly how much i love him... </3

Escape The Fate: Harder Then You Know

You said this could only get better. There's no rush, 'cause we have each other. You said this would last forever, But now I doubt if I was your only lover. Are we just lost in time? I wonder if your love's the same. Cause I'm not over you Baby, don't talk to me. I'm trying to let go Not loving you is harder then you know. Cause girl your driving me so crazy How can I miss you if you never would stay? If you need time I guess I'll go away. Inside me now there's only heartache and pain! So where's the fire? You've begun the rain. Are we just lost in time? I wonder if your love's the same Cause I'm not over you!  Baby, don't talk to me I'm trying to let go Not loving you is harder then you know, (Cause girl your driving me so crazy) And if you don't want me then I guess I'll have to go! Not loving you is harder then you know. Yeah! So I'll make the call, And I'll leave you today I'm gona miss you 'cause I love you baby Yeah, I'll make the call I'm leaving today Leaving always drives me crazy! Leaving always drives me crazy! Baby, don't talk to me I'm trying to let go. Not loving you is harder Then you know, Yeah Baby, don't talk to me I'm trying to let go (I'm trying to let go) Not loving you is harder Then you know, (Cause girl your driving me so crazy) And if you don't want me then I guess I'll have to go! (I guess I'll have to go) Not loving you is harder then you know (Girl your driving me so crazy) Baby, don't talk to me I'm trying to let go. Not loving you is harder, then you know, Girl your driving me so crazy.

 i bet when you read those lyrics you thought of that special someone that you love.. and has done you wrong... so what do you do from there... do you give them another chance... er do you walk away...

right now i feel like my heart is ripping at it's seems telling me to jusst hold on to him... because he loves me.. and i love him... and today in this fucked up world it's so hard to find that.... i'd be genuine to him... the question is would he be genuine to me....

almost famous...

so me and my sister are very passionate about singing. 

and well we've decided we are going to cover songs.

we are thinking we are gonna cover black bird, maybe do promise in the dark, and a lot of others but we're not sure. 

music is something we are both so passionate about and we both want to be discovered. 

one thing is that we don't want to be discovered and then let the lime light get to us. 

two i don't think i'm that good enough, i think that she is jusst not me.

third is i don't know what would happen if we got discovered i would hate for us to fall apart.

my sister is truly my besst friend and if i losst her i don't know what i'd do.

but back to covering songs. we want to do a llot of them. 

we write our own music. but we want to do covers and then if we get discovered go from there..

we already call our selfs almost famous. we call eachother hobo and pixxxie i don't know if thats gonna be our stage names or what.. but thats we call each other. 

we did a cover to jewel and i'm trying to figure out how to get it up on you tube. 

one day i know we are going to get bigg. 

me maybe for my photography, and who knows maybe we'll both get famous from our singing we jusst need to get the balls and put up our songs... which i'm working. on. [: 

i see a llot of hope for the future. near future. [:

so.done.for good this time.

here it goes again..

the text, and the calls. 

you're calling, wanting me to give you a second chance, fuck that! 

i have giving more then just one chance to prove yourself to me.

i'm not here so you can mess with my head.

i'm not here so you can play games with my heart.

i'm not her to be your toy!

stop acting like you were and still are my everything.

don't put your self up on a high pedestal.

yea, i might of feel in love with you, but now i hate you to the very core of my being.

all you do is lie, lie, lie and tell me this time it's going to be different, this time you miss me.

but see this time i'm not just going to believe every word you say.

i don't even want to give you another chance your words don't mean shit to me anymore.

yea, you use to know just how to make me cave, but not anymore. 

this time it's different, this time i know you're just the same prick you've always been!

so do us both a favor, and let me go, because you were never just a friend, and you were never a good boyfriend.

i want nothing to do with you.

i don't think you quite get it mister, i can't be friends with you no more.

like it's not that i can't it's that in all honesty  i don't want to, not even a little bit. 

so just go back to knowing that our friendship is over, and it's never gonna be repaired ever!

yea, i do forgive you, but i never said that i want you back in my life.

so realize that this time i mean it when i say...

GOODBYE. 

-Sharon June

college really?

so friday we had college fair at school... and well i was like hum, i don't want to go to college but then again i do....

i have decided i either wanna go to UVU, or WSU i'm really set on weber but idk. i'm really confused and kinda scared and realizing that i'm graduating this year! do you know how krazy that is? i also feel like not a lot of people support me graduating... 

i'm freaking out! i'm gonna be on my own soon... is this a good thing? i keep thinking it is and then i keep realizing that i'm really scared... so now the decision is which do i go to? 

but first this is first!

i gotta get all my sheet together. i can't keep not going to school and getting horrible grades. i gotta get my act up. i'm determinded to pass all my classes, and i know my girls briana and kristen will help me work threw it. [: 

i'm done trying to be perfect, i'm just gonna do what i know i can and that is show everybody that i'm better than this, that i'm gonna graduate and that i'm gonna take the ACT and that i'm gonna do good in school, and i'm gonna make something outta my life! because i'm done living in this sad sate of mind. i want to show everyone that i can do it. and prove to myself that i can. [:

because,

♫ ♪ I know I can (I know I can)
Be what I wanna be (be what I wanna be)
If I work hard at it (If I work hard at it)
I'll be where I wanna be (I'll be where i wanna be)♫ ♪ 

perfection

she's beauty.

she's almost perfection.

i want to see those beautiful eyes of hers just one last time.

i never wanted to loose her, then again i never wanted to loose me.

she had the best touch, the cutest laugh, everything about her spread a smile across my heart.

her lips were soft, pink, and so very kissable...

she always picked on me, but it made me feel special like i knew i was liked by her...

i'm so dumb for loosing her, she absolutely meant so much to me.

she was becoming my best friend.

then that saturday happened.

when everything changed.

i never said anything about her...

but she'll never believe me.

she hates me..

and all i do is miss her each and every day. 

i want to change everything.

now my sweet, beautiful, perfection is gone

 i would do anything and everything just to make her see that i still care for her.

that she is my most precious dream... but more like a dream that just won't come true...

-Sharon June

my mask.

i smile 

i frown

i cry

i laugh

but i'm blank inside...

am i wearing some form of a mask?

i feel weird like dead inside.

i don't feel like i belong here anymore.

what is going on with me?

i started to discover what i wanted in life.

my goals, my dreams.

but now none of it matters anymore.

i just want to either drink all my pain away, or take all these pills and never wake up.

i'm not depressed.

i'm not lonely.

i'm not scared.

i'm not mad.

i'm not happy.

i'm just numb, so comfortable numb.

i don't know how to feel anymore, about anything or anyone.

so for now i wear this mask.

wishing i could change the past.

missing that happy girl i once knew.

i need to fix this, me...

i can't do this anymore.

i need to tear off this mask and face myself, and realize i'm better than this...

but how is the question i so desire dear in my heart.

-Sharon June.