in love...

"theres someone out there for everyone you just have to find the one thats hand matches perfect with your heart" 

-Sharon June

i don't know if youu ever have found that person that makes youu feel more alive then ever,

more gorgeous when you're not all dressed up then when you are,

more beautiful then when your not wearing makeup then when you are,

that makes youu happyy when all youu really wanna do is cryy,

that makes youu feel more special then anyone in the world,

that jusst has the way of making you feel like yerr superman and can do anything and they are likke your kryptonite. 

but i sure have.

 his name is javon loren wyatt. [: <3

i wanna be with him until the end of time. 

he makes me feel so alive, i can't explain it.

there is not anyone in the world i'd rather be with not at all.

i thought that it was time for goodbyes but i was surely mistaken.

i was jusst afriad of being hurrt again and loosing him once again. 

loosing someone youu trulyy care for is not an easy thing to do not at all.

youu havve to find that person that will make youu feel as if youu are on the top of the world, all it takes is patience and time. :D

and trust me it's def worth the wait. 

being in love is the besst feeling in the worldd i hope i never ever loose it, because unfortunately some ppl do.

i.don't.know if me and him are destined to be together. but if we're not then fuck destiny. [: 

lol.

but i love you javon loren wyatt so much. <3

i'd scream it from the roof tops and show everyone how much you mean to me. 

because, i'm in love with you and nothing is or will ever change that. [:

murder mystery dinner. [:

So last night me, my mom, my sister crystal, and my church went to a murder mystery dinner. [:

it was soo much funn. it was like playing clue but acting it out. 

all the cast was so much funn.

• Don: the godfather.
• Trixxie: the wife of Don the godfather also the whore of the cast.
• Harry the lip: don's cousin and the one who's hated by everyone.
• Finggers: Don's No. 2 and the groom also the guy that gets killed.
• Bunny: the bride and dumb bimbo blonde also a stripper.
• Carla: the mother of the bride and thief of the cast also murder.
• Detective Clawsap: the frenchy detective and my personal favorite. [:

we all had so much funn it was at spagetti mama's up in salt lake and my mother figured out the killer before we even knew the story purdy awesome huh? [:

the food was pretty yummi also. 

Don flirted with my sister crystal the whole time which we thought was funni because he was an old man. haha. he kept telling her to not leave nowhere and grabing her arm. haha.

crystal got to be part of the show we all had to go up all the laddies at the dinner and try to catch the bouqet of the bride and crystal and me both caught it crystal more than me. and then some guy had to put the gaurder on her thigh. haha. [: it was funni. we all had so much funn.

Detective Clawsap flirted with me like crazy it was okay cause i loved it. haha. me and crystal took a pic with him and he let me hold his cuffs and crystal hold his gun. [;

see :D 

so much funn.

anyways it's at spaggetti mama's up in salt lake if you get a chance to go then def go. [:

trust me it will be well worth the drive and the money. it is kinda pricey though.  

courage.

yesterday i realized something about myself.

i let soo many ppl walkk all over me, hurt me, abuse my friendship, and betray me and i just ignore it.

well i decided today is the day i stand up for myself! 

i know that sound kinda like wft. you shoulda been standing up ferr yerrself years ago, how old are you. 

yea i know and i'm dumb. and i guess it's because i'm exactly like my mother. we trust ppl wayy to easily and we let ppl we care about walk all over us because we feel likke if we don't help them or that if we don't do what they askk we'll be the bad person. . . i guess i jusst got too much a bigg heart to be likke fuckk youu and yerr a bitch.

well ya know what not no more! 

i am taking a stand. 

i'm not gonna let ppl push me around anymore.

i'm not gonna let ppl in and shut down and let them take over my life, and how i feel.

i'm not going to let them put things into my head that aren't real because you know what, i believe in myself and if thats all i have now then i guess thats all i need. i know my friends like bri and kristen and ruby and david all believe me. and ilove them so much for that and of course alex. but everyone else lately can go fuckk off. 

i am going to live my life how i want to and if that means smoking pot evey now and again than i'm going to.

if that means being with my boyfriend javon that i'm going to. 

i love javon and i don't give a fuckk about what anyone anymore has to say because i believe in myself and believe that we are going to be together ferr quit some time. 

and another thing, ppl outt there have been telling me i'm not gonna make it and i'm not going to amount to anything. well fuck you all. i will show you that i'm going to make something out of myself and prove all of you wrong. yea this post is kinda a angry one but you know what i'm saying exactly how i feel because i am an honest person.

the other day i got told by a family memeber of mine that i'm disappointment they are ashemd to live with they are ashmed to call me their own, and ya know what i don't need anyone to believe in me, it would nice but i'm going to prove him wrong that i'm not like everyone else and i'm going to show him that i am and i will be successful in my life because i believe in myself. 

the only ppl i truly believe believe in me in my family anymore is my sister and my mom. that is about it. they are truly the only ones.. . that hurst me to say but that is how i feel. 

one day i will show you all how much you are so wrong! 

that i'm not like the rest of this family. i'm going to show you that i'm going to make something out of myself and i will not i will not let myself thinkk that i'm going to end up on the streets pregnant or out of a job with no education but you know what i believe what my grandpa use to tell me about everyday when he was still here on this earth and that was. baby girl always believe in yourself and know you can and will do anything i believe in you and that will never change. well grandpa i miss you. i wish i had that again where you could tell me that you were proud of me... 

Grandpa, I love you, you have taught me a very valuable lesson and that is to have courage in myself and you know what now i finally do. Grandpa i can't wait till that dayy when i see you again in heaven and we are sitting beside Jesus and you are telling me that you are so proud of how i lived my life and hugg me jusst likke when i was a little girl....

papa i miss youu so much. and this blog that i have wrote is dedicated to you because if it wasn't for you and my mommi and sister i wouldn't have the courage i do now in myself. i love you 3 so very much. you have made me stronger.

i jusst wanna go backk to when i was a little girl and everyone was all so happy... :/

Saw 3D! :D

So yetsterdayy mee, myy boyfriend javon, and my brother went and seen Saw 3D! 

one of the best by far in my opinion, had the craziest fucking twist. and sure as fuckk was grizzly as javon says. :p grizzly: beyond gory  

i gott to sayy though the best part was pretending to be scared so he'd hold me. :D 

so if you haven't seen it youu really should. 

unless yerr pussy and will puke in the theater er are jusst to pussy to go see it. [:

haha. my friend maria was there. we didn't like plan to hangoutt there, she was jusst there. but she almost puked on me likke 5 times, but it's okayy i freakking love maria. she is uhhmazing. [:

i got to sayy though that fuckking doll scares they sheet outta me still to this dayy. it is jusst so scary. idk what it is about it but it's kinda freakky...

i mean look at it! it's freakkyy don't ya thinkk?

anywayz. if you haven't see it....

GO SEE IT.

GAME OVER. [: